initial shock

Last week I received a major shock to my inner sense of well-being.  I had just spent the drive home from work congratulating myself on achieving nirvana whilst still possessing a heartbeat.  I was very happy  with how my life was panning out. My family was and still is healthy, my children delightfully rambunctious, my relationship with hubby comforting and my workplace peaceful and content.  I had smiled with happiness at the joy my friendship circle brings to my life and was anticipating a night plonked on the couch with my crochet and peppermint tea.

So after the usual busyness of dinner and bath-time of three children 8 years old and under, I kissed cheeks, read stories and tucked them into bed.  I will mention that my inner sense of peace was challenged briefly by one child that did have to be tucked in multiple times but that is the nature of a feisty three year old that struggles with impulse control.  The anticipation of my evening of crochet and tea was a siren call but I firmly put that aside as I quickly decided to check my CSU account as I wanted to get familiar with interact2 before the session started.

And there it was.  The subjects and their outlines.  At first I was excited and opened the outlines up to read the tasks and then that excitement quickly became dread.  Both subjects I had enrolled for had assessments due on the same day as the another one.  Further inspection of these dreaded documents only revealed that the tasks were heavily weighted and very heavy on the word count.  It was 8pm and my inner sense of peace and happiness was overtaken by a sense of dread and anxiety.  My panic stricken brain could not compute how I was going to balance my work days with my family commitments and now academic pursuit.  Was I actually completely insane?

Insanity has often been bandied around me by well meaning family and friends.  I have a habit of biting off more that I can chew.  Like moving interstate solo with three little children (one an infant of four weeks) with a deployed husband.  Or starting and finishing a portfolio for full registration in just under six weeks.  Is that perseverance or tenacity or just plain insanity.

It’s been six days and my fear is subsiding… what will the next six days bring?


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